trying to fathom the unfathomable

We just came home from a beautiful ceremony celebrating the short life of a dear friend, Anna-Radhika, who passed away nine days ago after sudden complications in her lungs. In evidence of this fifteen-year-old’s open and loving personality, was the large variety of adorers who came to wish her well on her outward journey. Apart from the many relatives from two distinct cultures – Austrian and Indian – there was a multitude of friends, and friends of friends. A whole school bus of classmates were present with tears of affection, enthusiastic recollections of life with her, and dozens of colorful balloons that they let playfully fly up to heaven with her. There have been a few great souls in history who have earned the respect of the masses simply through their inherent state of deep generosity, and their unconditional giving to others that which is essential and beloved to all: love. But it seems that more and more of these great personages are being born among us, to help lift us on our glorious way.

Before this funeral service, I had big aspirations to write about some important lessons we all need to learn in life, but I suddenly find myself as small and ignorant in this great, mysterious universe as every other mortal. How can anyone else know all the factors that determine the plot of another soul’s story? How many of us leave behind our present role to pass onto another stage in fulfillment of higher destiny; and who leaves unnecessarily, at the wrong time, by accident? Are there such things as accidents when it comes to birth and death, and what can we, as parents, do to ensure the subtle nurturing of our children? Someone told me last week that he had suffered chronic bronchitis till the age of sixteen. He could suddenly breathe freely for the first time in his life, as soon as his father and grandfather made up and started speaking with each other after years of mutual hatred. I’ve discovered late in life that my many moments of urgent desire to die, to leave, to run away from a horrible world of pain and frustration, came from scary feelings in my childhood when my parents were drunk and fighting, or simply not there for me in my darkness. I realized at some point, that I could never take my life, because, even though I didn’t like myself very much, I could never mercilessly hurt all the people who love me – that, I could never do. And now I see that my role here is still unfolding. But some do depart, what seems to us to be too early, and for a myriad of reasons that we may never logically understand.

When an apparently happy, healthy person stops breathing, due to an otherwise manageable condition, we may well wonder if they were trying to tell us something. In such a dramatic exit there may be an ardent plea to the world: Never forget to live each breath with heartfelt enthusiasm! You too are special.

Anna-Radhika9 August 1993, to 23 April 2009

Anna-Radhika ~ 9 August 1993, to 23 April 2009

(Our condolences go out to the suffering heart that was one with her. No earthquake or hurricane can compare in ferocity to the grief of a mother that has just lost her only child.)

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9 responses to “trying to fathom the unfathomable

  1. Yes, Edward, I first learned that lesson when my father suddenly passed-away at 40. Life is precious and we give thanks for it by enjoying it. By loving and accepting people and circumstances, by counting our blessings, by respecting ourselves.

    Thanking our creator for the lessons, joy and beauty wholeheartedly – without exception.

    William Blake said it much better than I could:
    “We are put on earth a little space
    That we may learn to bear the beams of love.”

  2. Mostly the biggest obstacle is the fear, the fear to face our fears.

  3. Chris Buis

    Ed,
    Thanks for the reminder, about many things.
    Chris

  4. Dear Edward, that was a heartfelt account. Such innocent brilliance reflected form her persona, and yet she was destined for a higher journey that only the ‘Realised’ will ever understand. The inevitable moment is reserved for all. That is the ultimate truth, the sooner it prevails the wiser become our moments of living. May this journey of life continue in the Love & compassion of our awakened souls to provide meaning to life itself. You are indeed blessed with such wonderful words. My heart goes all out to the Mother who braves this tragedy into an understanding of the higher conciousness that we all belong to.
    Sanjay

  5. Reading this feedback brings to mind a story which I feel is always very relevant and brings things into perspective.
    When a baby is born unto the world, the Angels weep and the humans rejoice…
    When a person passes away, the humans weep and the Angels rejoice…
    We are always met with Joy and Love, wherever we go.
    We all wish this loving soul all the very best on her way “home” and pray to Mother to give comfort, reassurance and Love to the bereaved parents

  6. Elaine McQuade

    Your thoughts were so eloquently spoken. It makes all of us pause and consider.

    Thank you

  7. Caleb Williams

    Dear Edward,

    thank you for this soul searchingly honest piece of writing that is so respectful of the deep and unfathomable mysteries that are part of our time in this universe … fairness, unfairness, suffering, pain, destiny, what is planned, what is random … every thinking soul must have these thoughts from time to time … they are always triggered by our most powerful and confronting experiences … they make us ‘silent’ and go ‘within’, taking us deeper into the meaning of being human, our problems, pains, joys, and yearnings to understand … that confrontation with the incredible mystery of life and death … this is what makes the “seeker”.

    Caleb

  8. Edward, that is one of the most beatutifl posts ever!…
    The girl was the LOVE herself.

  9. She was indeed a flower who spread her fragrance for a while. May her mother have the strength to bear the pain of loss.
    As Francois said about the angels rejoicing. It very much reminds me of Shri Mataji leaving one country where Sahaja Yogis weep and She arrives in another country where all rejoice.
    No one dies. Her Soul is very much there . She is very much there. Maybe she will come back in another form, in another time to do the work she was meant to.

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