I remember in my early youth, asking an adult friend if the ego was a good or bad thing. She said I could ask her (hippy) husband because he enjoyed discussing things like that. What was then for me an impenetrably thick, peanutbutter-like layer of confusion over all things inner and intangible, later became, with the help of a subtle internal connection and some enlightening meditation, as clear as day to my once thick and sticky perception. My thirst for Truth has not diminished, but the obvious is no longer hidden from my understanding.
Take karma for example. It’s no longer a mystery whether or not past deeds and desires can influence our present life. Our psyche/conditionings/subconscious contains enough past goo to keep us repeating lots of wanted and unwanted patterns (even looking through the lens of astrology or genetic mutation, one can see that some influence stretches way back into our personal histories). The real question is, can we somehow be liberated from undesirable karma. The answer is a resounding inner YES. As physics sometimes hints at, we effect what we perceive, just by perceiving it. We live in an inevitable cycle of cause and effect. If there was only a way to rise abovecause and escape the trampoline of life’s ups and downs. Well, there is …
It’s been discovered (and I’m also speaking from personal experience) that by raising the limited human awareness to a higher, thoughtless level, not only does physical health improve, but so does one’s good fortune. Although this is a golden, natural law – and easily attained – it is still proving awkward to maintain. That is to say, as human beings at a certain stage of our spiritual evolution, all the goodies of a complete and fulfilling life are becoming available to us, but we’re still quite rusty at getting all that extra potential in us to light up. And that is to very simply say, that all the dogma and ritual and prayers and good wishes will not do any more than they have till now (very little on the whole) unless and until we are in that very clear, tangible and powerful state, the result of self-realization and meditation: thoughtless awareness. It takes very little regular practice to get the hang of it – then one notices the benefits (individual and collective) steadily increase.
(Sorry ego and conditionings, it’s been fun, but – hey – after all, we’ve just been fooling around, warming up for the super life 😉 )
As mentioned at the beginning, the human heart is a veritable treasure chest of wonderful surprises, still lying buried under our layers of conditionings and projections. When the subtle key rises up the spine to unlock the gate at the top of the head, we start a new, enriched life full of the treasures of joy and spontaneity. Once released from it’s bonds, it will fly you on to beauty undreamed of. . . .
Eight weeks after my fifteenth birthday I swallowed a massive dose of LSD and went temporarily insane. I still sharply recall the feeling of sheer terror when I realized that I was losing my mind. The demons moved in to possess my soul and I was plunged into a sadistic hell; my mind on fire and my heart torn to pieces in my chest – and then weeks of utter emotional darkness. Nine years later, hard drugs and alcohol had almost extinguished what remained of the small, comforting light somewhere inside me, but at one point a motherly hand reached down deep into the vacuum that was my life, and pulled me lovingly up into the fresh air and sunshine. When I see photos of myself as a teenager, I’m surprised to see how young and vulnerable I looked. I had thought that I was grown up and master of my world. How very sad to be so completely lost in the midst of a civilization that is supposed to be advanced.
I come from a broken home – not in the sense of bombs exploding and loved ones killed by war or hunger, like some children; but an almost mundane, commonplace sort of broken home: one cracked by Drunkenness and Divorce. My parents are lovely people; sensitive and kind. But sensitivity has not been a virtue cherished in our society. Escape into intoxication has rendered most of us numb to the terrible norms of our lives – child abuse, mockery, violence and the like.
I’ve been clean for almost twenty-six years now. In this time, I’ve reached peaks of joy and clarity that I didn’t believe were available to normal human beings like myself. When you feel the presence of that person beside you on the bus, or you hurriedly brush past your child or spouse, ask yourself what they might be feeling. Could they be in a desperate state of inner need? And should they require your loving attention, would you have the capacity to quench their burning thirst? It’s up to each of us to attain the beautiful Unlimited in us and share it as unconditionally as possible. It’s time to find out just how amazing we really are.