Eight weeks after my fifteenth birthday I swallowed a massive dose of LSD and went temporarily insane. I still sharply recall the feeling of sheer terror when I realized that I was losing my mind. The demons moved in to possess my soul and I was plunged into a sadistic hell; my mind on fire and my heart torn to pieces in my chest – and then weeks of utter emotional darkness. Nine years later, hard drugs and alcohol had almost extinguished what remained of the small, comforting light somewhere inside me, but at one point a motherly hand reached down deep into the vacuum that was my life, and pulled me lovingly up into the fresh air and sunshine. When I see photos of myself as a teenager, I’m surprised to see how young and vulnerable I looked. I had thought that I was grown up and master of my world. How very sad to be so completely lost in the midst of a civilization that is supposed to be advanced.
I come from a broken home – not in the sense of bombs exploding and loved ones killed by war or hunger, like some children; but an almost mundane, commonplace sort of broken home: one cracked by Drunkenness and Divorce. My parents are lovely people; sensitive and kind. But sensitivity has not been a virtue cherished in our society. Escape into intoxication has rendered most of us numb to the terrible norms of our lives – child abuse, mockery, violence and the like.
I’ve been clean for almost twenty-six years now. In this time, I’ve reached peaks of joy and clarity that I didn’t believe were available to normal human beings like myself. When you feel the presence of that person beside you on the bus, or you hurriedly brush past your child or spouse, ask yourself what they might be feeling. Could they be in a desperate state of inner need? And should they require your loving attention, would you have the capacity to quench their burning thirst? It’s up to each of us to attain the beautiful Unlimited in us and share it as unconditionally as possible. It’s time to find out just how amazing we really are.
A beautiful post, Yo. Honest and eloquent. Positive healing stories are valuable beacons in the darkness. Keep sharing!
really interesting experience… I wonder how many people can actually get out of this like you did…