Self-Help

Did you know that you have a built-in Jeeves – a compassionate and intelligent butler who can gently lift you out of any tangle? By Jove – by Jeeves – you do indeed! It’s been rumored that we are using only a fraction of our brain power. Some think that by pumping and pampering (pumpering) of the ego, we can ascend to greater heights of skill in dealing with life. This line of thought leads to a solid dead-end. The only way to unleash that vast potential is to activate a specific energy at the base of the spine, whose purpose it is to rise up and open the pearly gate at the apex of the brain, thus connecting said brain to the power that created it. The more this energy is strengthened through appropriate meditation, the more this connection is expanded, and the more our brain is enlightened. In fact, our whole nervous system then becomes increasingly aware of subtler phenomena, and the dignified genius in us generously supplies answers to life’s many complications. You don’t have to be Bertie Wooster to have access to the ideal solver-of-problems. You become your own indispensable, wise best friend.

You: “Jeeves! What on earth am I to do about this incessant mental rambling?”

Your-Own-Inner-Jeeves: “Sir?” (or “Madam?”)

“This unsolicited, unproductive thinking, Jeeves! Is there no stopping it? Is humanity to be driven off the brink of its remaining sanity by this relentless inner train?”

“There is a simple way to ascend comfortably above these disturbing trains of thought, Sir.”

“Well, out with it, Jeeves! What is this satisfying, cerebral secret that you’ve been withholding from the waiting world?”

“The answer is simultaneously simple and profound, Sir, and readily available to anyone, from any walk of life – it sleeps in each of us at the base of the spine.”

“Do you mean to insinuate, Jeeves, that my Aunt Agatha, among others, is presently sitting on the solution to mankind’s greatest problem?”

“Indeed, Sir. In fact, no single person on the planet is exempt from this common trait. Os sacrum, or hieron osteon, the ‘sacred bone’, was so named by the early Greek mystics because of the enlightening energy coiled there, necessary to connect the individual awareness to the all-pervading power that created us.”

“And you have proof that this benevolent something can free us from the noise within, thereby lifting the willing subject into a sort of golden, wise halo of silence?”

“Indeed, Sir. It is a purely natural phenomena which occurs spontaneously when this Kundalini energy awakens due to contact with the subtlest of universal vibrations, manifested, causing her to gently rise up the spine to the fontanel, thus opening the door to collective consciousness. This evolutionary breakthrough was available to very few in the past, but it seems that we have all reached an important threshold which allows anyone to ‘dance liberated into the light’, as the poet so aptly put it.”

“So you’re saying that the moment I make the magic wish to ascend beyond my miserable, human bonds, I’ll be ready to pass by a smiling cherubim radiating these fine vibes that will inevitably cause my being to lift off like a Nasa space-shuttle at the end of count down?”

“The experience is somewhat subtler than that, but you have the gist of the matter, Sir. It is the promised yoga, that is, union. May I demonstrate?”

“Demo away, Jeeves! I have cast my wish into the fountain of hope. What do I stand to lose?”

“What indeed, Sir? Place your hands, palms upwards, comfortably on your lap. You may close your eyes, and sincerely, in your heart, ask the universal Mother for your Self-realization.”

“Ask the what for my what?”

“Addressing this Kundalini energy, Sir, simply request that you may know your true, universal nature. I will expedite the process by lifting my open hand parallel to your spine to a point above your head. This will help the Kundalini to rise in response to the familiar vibrations.”

“As I’ve always conjectured, Jeeves — so you are an angel!”

“No more so than any other Self-realized person, Sir. Are you feeling anything yet?”

“I am. My goodness, you know? I really am . . . This is even better than whiskey, Jeeves. Have I lived all these years without knowing joy? I feel, well, I feel as light as a feather, as focused as a hawk, and . . . what is all this breezy coolness? It’s pouring out of my hands, and the top of my head feels like a fountain! May I open my eyes, or will it all fade like a beautiful dream on waking?”

“You may open your eyes, Sir, and I can assure you that it will not fade away. These are the Vibrations of which I spoke. They are the powerful Breath of Life which have been referred to throughout history in various cultures and religions as the Chi, Ki, Chaitanya, Prana, Ruach, Ruh, Pneuma and Spiritus, as well as the Wind of the Holy Spirit.”

“This is marvelous! Only a laughing, well-fed baby cuddling at its mother’s warm breast could know how I’m presently feeling! Who was it that rejoiced about the coming Age, calling every breeze sacred incense, Jeeves?”

“That would be Lionel Johnson in Vita Venturi Saeculi, Sir. ‘Let green woods wave thee welcome, and blue seas laugh welcome, and each breeze be sacred incense round thee: peace appear through crystal atmosphere, impassioned, perdurable, omnipotent; given by God, not lent, foretaste of Heaven, ere Heaven be all in all, come to the vexed world’s call!’ “

“That’s the one! Yes, I’m gushing with goodness – woods and waters – maybe a bit like those bliss-sharing Kalpa-thingy trees in the Indian proverb!”

“You must be referring to the passage from the Gyaneshwari, Sir: ‘Such men/women are the moving forests of Kalpataru trees. They are mines of wish-granting living jewels. They are vocal oceans of nectar.’ It is but one early description of realized souls, Sir.”

“All this enlightening has made me thirsty, Jeeves. Would you be so kind?”

“Certainly, Sir. Would you like your usual whiskey and soda?”

“Not today — I don’t want to come down. Bring me pure water. This new connection can use some meditative nurturing. I think someone has just answered my prayers.”

“‘Holy mother, hear my prayer, somehow I know you’re still there. Send me please some peace of mind; take away this pain.’“

“Shakespeare?”

“Eric Clapton, Sir.”

“Thank you, Jeeves.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Sir.”